How to overcome questioning yourself!
It's Monday as I sit down and type this post. I've had my coffee, I've smiled back at the sunshine, and yet something was clouding my mind - self-doubt. Suddenly the sun and my mood weren't that bright.
As hard as it is to admit, this is something that I'm still battling with and after a recent conversation with my best friend, I've decided to put down some of my own thoughts and share it with you guys. I'm no expert, however, I'm a firm believer in self-growth.
Some may associate self-doubt with low self-esteem the two are different. You can be a confident person knowing what it wants and still have it at the back of your head that you need approval from others to do something. Or you can lose your confidence in a combination of self-doubt and low self-esteem.
Self- doubt usually starts from our own incapability of giving ourselves credit and the replay of bad memories. As children, we are rewarded or not for everything that we do by our parents and siblings and taught that we should always wait for confirmation from others - teachers, peers, etc... So once in the adulthood stage, we will still be seeking confirmation from other people for what we do. Bare in mind that everyone is different and we each have a different education however from my observations the majority of people have a self-doubt deficit although in current times low self -esteem in teenagers seems a bigger issue. But we will get into that another day.
When entering the adult period we kinda' stand alone and we are faced with many moments when we have to take our own decisions and assume responsibility. For instance when taking on a new assignment and we wish to write about something we strongly believe in but we know our parents are against it and we doubting ourselves because we don't know what they will think; or when our boss asks you to do a presentation and even though you know the topic inside out, you remember that one time when everyone in class laughed at you cause you stuttered. These are just two examples and I believe there are many levels of self - doubt and the first step would be to identify how deep is this rooted into your programming. When I say programming I refer to you as a whole being and how you react and your behaviour etc. The brain is a complex organic machine and it works by programming it. The script is everything that formed you along the years: thoughts, education, memories, feelings, experiences etc.
So how do we overcome those moments?
Once fallen into the self-doubt trap all sorts of demons will come out. It's sort of like opening yours on Pandora box. And from there your mood will only go down and down unless you shake it off.
Firstly, who are we to question ourselves? Why should we fear our own power of decision making? Why should I, you, they, feel less empowered because of something in my brain that screams "feed me with others approval"?.
We all have greatness in us like Les Brown is saying, and we do. Years ago I've listened to him live and the phrase stuck in my head, however, I never really understood what it means until a couple of years ago. And there is no better way to further go into this than to quote Marianne D. Williamson:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's for everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Each scenario is different, we all are different, however, I feel that self-doubt manifests the same in each and one of us, with some questions we ask ourselves "Am I good enough? Is this decision good enough? Will this decision please the others?".
Secondly, in that present moment, the only thing that matters is how sincere you are with yourself. Assess the situation, step outside of your own box and draw a conclusion that is based on your judgement at that particular time.
When looking at yourself from outside the box don't be harsh on yourself. Appreciate what you've overcome and the journey you had until that moment. Weigh the con's and the pro's and keep yourself in a good light.
Lastly, remember: YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. Yes, sometimes we might need to work a little harder but that will be because we are chasing our crazy dreams and our chosen goals. Your choices are your own and you can accept responsibility for anything that may go wrong as well as congratulate yourself for any small achievement. You can do that by starting to put yourself first today!
Remove the but, the what ifs, the maybe I will try that. Change starts now and starts today. By adopting a fearless attitude you will liberate yourself. You will inspire others and the ripple effect will extend to others.